Happy Valentine's,
Vedanshi

how do I make you understand vedanshi? In such little time you've become one of best friends. It feels like I've known you my whole life and life is rude from keeping us apart until now. every damn day of my life you push me and make me be a better person than I can ever be. like I said before, you are one of the reasons that I will win the Australian open. you r literally so sweet and so nice when it comes to anything. you know how to have fun and you are so easy to talk to. late night discord calls and bus rides home, I'll never forget these, and that's because of you :) you r such an amazing person and you have an amazing personality. you are so pretty and so beautiful. whenever I think about you my heart can't stop racing and I can't stop smiling. you bring joy to me and you make me happy in a way I haven't been in a while. your smile is so pretty and your eyes are so dreamy. everything about you just makes me want to smile until my cheeks are sore. in such little time, you've just become one of the very few people that I would sacrifice my life for. one of the people that make my life better and make me better, and for that, I am indebted to you. I love you so much vedanshi <3

goodmorning my love, hi princess this is kinda like a i'm proud of u note bc of everything that happened yday. first of all im so proud of u for getting through yday. yday was such a tough ass day with the pooja and ur parents and with apps but regardless you (somewhat) stayed stable and still submitted UTD. that leads me to my next thing, IM SO PROUD OF U FOR SUBMITTING UR FIRST COLLEGE LETS GOOOOO. seriously though it's a big step and it'll just make submitting these next few colleges easier. i'm so proud of my vedanshi for dealing with her parents bc i know that they weren't the easiest on u yday and that can be so hard esp on a bad day. i'm so proud to be ur friend vedanshi u don't even understand. yday was sooo awesome vedanshi and the parts im referring to are the parts where we were tg whether that was on ft or playing roblox i just had the best time and i couldn't stop smiling. like AHHHHH the fact that i got to play Roblox with u and we were just laughing and having the best time idk i just god it was like my heart was relaxed and my mind was at peace for the first time in a long time. i just idk it was the best feeling because it was like written proof in a way that we are back to being best friends and i think that just made me extremely happy. never would i have thought that playing superhero tycoon would get me so happy but i guess with u anything is possible love. im sorry that i couldn't be there when u were crying god all i wanted to do was drive over there to wipe ur tears jaanu u dont understand. i think that u cracked under pressure or whatnot and hey thats okay but everytime u feel like doing so i dont just want u to think of your strength, i want u to think of ours. we can do anything tg vedanshi and im always here and as a result pls dont cry baby it made me wanna cry tenfold its like string theory in a way. but yes lock in for tamu today okay love ik u can do it and im just a text away. i hope this starts your morning off amazingly and with a smile. i love u princess ❤️

goodmorning my love, hi princess this is kinda like a i'm proud of u note bc of everything that happened yday. first of all im so proud of u for getting through yday. yday was such a tough ass day with the pooja and ur parents and with apps but regardless you (somewhat) stayed stable and still submitted UTD. that leads me to my next thing, IM SO PROUD OF U FOR SUBMITTING UR FIRST COLLEGE LETS GOOOOO. seriously though it's a big step and it'll just make submitting these next few colleges easier. i'm so proud of my vedanshi for dealing with her parents bc i know that they weren't the easiest on u yday and that can be so hard esp on a bad day. i'm so proud to be ur friend vedanshi u don't even understand. yday was sooo awesome vedanshi and the parts im referring to are the parts where we were tg whether that was on ft or playing roblox i just had the best time and i couldn't stop smiling. like AHHHHH the fact that i got to play Roblox with u and we were just laughing and having the best time idk i just god it was like my heart was relaxed and my mind was at peace for the first time in a long time. i just idk it was the best feeling because it was like written proof in a way that we are back to being best friends and i think that just made me extremely happy. never would i have thought that playing superhero tycoon would get me so happy but i guess with u anything is possible love. im sorry that i couldn't be there when u were crying god all i wanted to do was drive over there to wipe ur tears jaanu u dont understand. i think that u cracked under pressure or whatnot and hey thats okay but everytime u feel like doing so i dont just want u to think of your strength, i want u to think of ours. we can do anything tg vedanshi and im always here and as a result pls dont cry baby it made me wanna cry tenfold its like string theory in a way. but yes lock in for tamu today okay love ik u can do it and im just a text away. i hope this starts your morning off amazingly and with a smile. i love u princess ❤️

Hi love, I know you haven't had the best day so this is a paragraph that will hopefully make you feel better or at least bring your mind some peace. I wanted to start off telling you how incredible last night was. I genuinely, in my entire life, have never felt that at peace with someone ever. I think back to how in freshman year I used to obsess over you and how 4 years later we are in your bed cuddling naked watching a movie together while making out with each other. Seriously Vedanshi, your arms and your chest, is the most peaceful place I have ever resided in. I could fall asleep there and wake up so refreshed and rested. I wish I could sleep in those arms forever, until the end of time. I wish I could die in those arms and lay there forever. I will forever wish to find those arms and that same heartbeat in every life that there is. I've never felt more at home in those arms. I was thinking about it today and I'm so scared to go to college because I won't be able to fall asleep in your arms every other day like I do now, and it scares me because I never ever want to leave you. I know that I have a history and we've also had our bad moments, and while living in those conditions for a year, I can promise to you that I will never, ever leave you. I know that I betrayed you back then and I am so ashamed of it because god who does that to their partner and their best friend, but please please forgive me for it. I know it's not easy and for the past 6 months I've been trying my absolute best to assure you that something like that event will never ever happen. I understand that it's not that easy and don't ever apologize for being sad about it because every time you are I will always put my very best into reassuring you that my heart belongs to you and you only. I promise to you that I am just friends with Meghana and Shagun and never ever, will even a piece of my heart belong to them. You have control over me, a full enclosure of my heart and god I never want you to lose that control. I'm so happy being in the hands of Vedanshi and I beg god every time I pray to never let it end. I understand the discomfort you felt today, it isn't ridiculous or embarrassing at all, and I hope you understand that you can always be honest to me about anything and everything; forever I will put in the effort to reassure you and forever my heart will always belong to you. Over the past 4 years, my high school experience, the one thing that defines most of people's lives, you have shaped the man that I have grown to become and at showcase and other events I realize that I am only successful in my career because I am by your side. I know that it can't be the easiest but this wise woman once said that if it wasn't hard then it wouldn't be worth it. I understand that sometimes I can be too much or too worrying or too insecure or anything like that, but I want you to understand that I am working on those at my absolute best ability. Princess, never ever do I want to be released from the control and hold that you have over me, and with that being said, I never, ever want to leave your side. I know that it isn't easy because it's that time of the month but we can get through these next few days together. No matter how annoying you think you're being or anything, I will always show up to be there and to talk to you so that you can fully understand that you are not, and never will be, alone. I love you so much Vedanshi, and never will I ever betray you like I did a year ago. Never ever will I break that precious heart of yours and never ever will I let go unless you want me to. I know that actions speak louder than words, which is why I try my very best to show you that I love you, but for now; I love you so much that I will find you in every life. My soul is forever attached to yours by an unbreakable thread, one that the universe has gifted me with. I will forever go through the good and the bad with you my love, and forever will I be loyal to you and your precious eyes. Let me know if you need anything and have fun while Arya is over. Text me when you can and, I promise I will never leave you. I love you Vedanshi, for infinity.

Hi love, you are actually turning 18. wow. is that not crazy. you are a legal adult. I can't even begin to tell you how incredible of a woman you are, but I say we should start with where it began. We met each other when we both were 14, in freshman year. The little moments we had in freshman year were the beginning of something that I never would have had an idea of how deep our love is what it is today. When I first saw you on the court although I may not have said it, but I definitely knew it; yes, this girl, with the glasses and the weirdly perfect tennis form, would be something special to me some day. Spending that year in tennis together might have genuinely been one of the most impactful things I will ever experience. It's kind of crazy that fate had me walk over to that tennis court while you were down 4-2 to cheer you on. I remember that day so well Vedanshi. You were playing with your Penn black and white racket, I remember the weird stare you gave me after I cheered you on because I think you thought I was weird or something and not gonna lie that probably hasn't changed but NOT THE POINT. The point being, I can't believe that 'insignificant' of a moment led to me meeting my soulmate, the one that my soul connects with the most. After that, we started texting and snapping and even through all of the drama the one thing that never split was us. Whether it Prasanna or Maha or Monisha LMFAO, we always came back to each other. Fast forward to the summer after freshman year, the time period where I genuinely understood how special you were and will be to me and in my lifetime. That summer, when my stomach was internally bleeding because of my ulcers and my spine cracked, you stuck with me through it all. Constant paragraphs, support, snaps to make me feel better, every little thing became not so little. That summer, I laid on my side with my legs tucked into my stomach screaming in pain and you told me that everything will be okay. After finding out that my spine broke, you worried so much about me, probably as much or even more than my parents did, and you comforted me and cared about me like I was your own. After reflecting off of that time period, I genuinely don't think I would have healed, whether that be physically or mentally, the same that I did that year. I started sophomore year off so strong with my head held up high, solely because I knew that you were by my side. Throughout our sophomore year, despite me being with someone else, we never, not once, separated. I remember specifically how Samreen would constantly ask about you and all I would response with was if you want to be with me you have to be okay with me being friends with her; then again, our bond is deeper than surface level friends. No matter what the difficulty or what the situation was, we stood by each other's side, and I think that that type of love, will forever, remain permanent in my heart in cognizant of you Vedanshi Thakur. After that we got much closer and I know that I made a really bad mistake too, but I think it all happened to teach me a lesson. In my honest words, I think that I took what we have for granted and as a result, did not appreciate it for what it was. I lied, kept secrets, withheld feelings, and I'm not proud of who I was or what I did. That incident and us being distanced for a year slapped me across the face with how much you really meant to me. Every single day I spent thinking about some memory or another, wondering what I could do differently just to get you to talk to me. That incident taught me what true love is and how the only person I have ever felt that with was you. I'm so so sorry for what I did my love, and I apologize that after sophomore year, I had taken our relationship for granted, but god that imprint is a constant reminder of how much those eyes make my day. The year is a constant reminder to me about every time you smile, how much that fuels the fire that keeps Rayhan alive and living a joyous life. Over the course of me and that person's relationship, I constantly, without anyone else knowing, cried and cried and panic attack here and screaming there because my heart was hurting without my other half standing by my side. I remember specifically how I would sit on the bleachers after tennis thinking about you, that was kinda my spot for thinking about you everyday because the courts reminded me of where we started. The first time I had a panic attack was when I was propped up against my bathroom wall on the floor, and I was losing my breath. That night, my heart cried louder than my voice could justify. I remember my mom finding me in my bathroom but I specifically remember how I could barely pick myself up. That night, my love, was when I figured out how much I genuinely missed having you by my side. This all goes to say that, no matter where I am on earth, alive in the mountains or dead 6 feet under the ground, my soul will forever be double knotted and superglued to yours. In the past few months, I couldn't even begin to express how happy I have been. After living with a deadbeat heart for a year, having someone by my side that makes my heart smile more than my lips and my eyes cry tears of joy was the biggest blessing I've ever received. Whether it be the constant hangouts that we have or the endless FaceTimes, asleep or not, every single second of it will forever be cherished in the soul of Rayhan. The first time we went to go get Crumbl, god I couldn't tell you how nervous, but nervous excited I was. On the way to your house I adjusted the car temperature perfectly and cleaned out the side pockets, I remember the way my heart jumped when you finally sat in your designated passenger princess seat. I remember everything, getting you Crumbl, the way you shoved the cookie in my mouth LMFAO, the way I was nervously rambling about the most random things and mostly, how safely I was driving to make sure that you got home in one piece. That day, was yet another reminder, of how much I missed the time that we didn't have together, but also how excited I was that destiny placed you back into my life. These past 4 months have genuinely reminded me of my purpose of living Vedanshi. When I didn't have you by my side, I felt like at the end of the day there was nothing to work towards or no goal to achieve but now that you're here, I look forward to our FaceTimes every night and it's one of, if not the only reason that I keep working hard throughout the day. Every single text message, FaceTime, or even hanging out together has meant the world to me and I can't imagine how special the memories we make in the future will be to me one day. Your love reminds me that although I may not live forever, what me and you have will last forever; infinite. My soul will always find yours and run after you, no matter what lifetime we are in. I understand that our infinity in this lifetime may not last forever, but your place in my heart will. You will forever, be the reason that Rayhan is alive and loves the way he does. You have genuinely curated my soul to be more at peace, and I think that is proof of the impact you have on me. Thank you so so much for being here with me, even when things get hard and the skies aren't so clear. I can't wait for the future we have together love, because even if I don't get into the college I want to or don't get the job I want to either, I know that at the end of the day, when I FaceTime you, my soul will rest and know that it's loved. Thank you for being who you are and constantly reminding the world of how to be a good person, whether others agree or not. Thank you for pushing each day and inspiring those around you. Thank you for the care and love that you expend on your loved ones, one of which including me. Thank you for showing me what true love looks and feels like. Thank you for always smiling and shining bright, even when the shadows are overwhelming. Happy 18th birthday princess, I'm so glad to have witnessed the last 4 years with you. You, Vedanshi Thakur, will always have been the person that brought Rayhan's soul to life. I love you to the moon and back, in this life and the next, and for the rest of time. Have an incredible birthday, I hope you love the gift that I bought you. Remember that no matter what happens or where we are, this, me and you, will always remain permanent and everlasting. I love you, mwah mwah mwah. Happy birthday princess ❤️

Good morning princess. At the time of writing this it is 4AM. I spent most of the night deleting all pics remotely close to any of that because I want you to always be comfortable with me love. I know it's not what you asked me to do and I understand that and in no way shape or form did you make me delete those or anything okay? I did it on my own and for the betterment of us. I know that I've said it before my love and I'll say it till the day I take my last breath, but I want you to know that I am never, ever leaving. Vedanshi these past few months and the years before with you have genuinely changed me as a person. I think of what freshman year Rayhan was like and how I am now and god I've changed for the better in so so many ways and the one person that stuck with me through it all was you. I want you to understand that no matter where I am on earth or what job I'm working or which college I go to you will always be my home. I'll probably own numerous houses in the future but Vedanshi Thakur, you will always be home to Rayhan Mohammad's heart. I know that it's scary my love and god I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared either but I think what the greatest part about this is what we are scared together. Together, my love, together. We were laughing on FaceTime together. A couple weeks ago I was crying on FaceTime, together with you. No matter what happens Vedanshi, as long as we are together I am positive that life will be okay. The very fact that we are so scared just shows that we care so much about each other, and needless to say this is a type of love some people don't even begin to understand. As long as we stay together, my love, it's gonna be just alright. I just wanted to add a little bit about how happy you've been making me recently. Today I genuinely had so much fun watching Christmas movies with you and laughing with you all while every second passed on the clock falling deeper in love with you god it's a feeling I can't even begin to put into fathomable words but it's the best feeling ever. You've shown me how to take care of myself and how to love myself and god I can never ever thank you enough Vedanshi. We've made so many memories in the past few weeks and I never, ever want them to stop. Whether that be FaceTiming basically every single night or going out on car rides together or playing brawl I've enjoyed so much of it. I never ever want to stop standing by your side love. I'm so so so happy with what we've built and god I never ever want to lose it. People in the future talk about their high school experience like it's the golden years of their life and I think that I can successfully speak to that too because I got to spend that time with you Vedanshi, my soulmate forever. Thank you so so much for taking another chance on us in September Vedanshi. I don't know how life would even be like now if you hadn't and I know that it's scary because loving is scary, especially love this deep, but even though rollercoasters are scary, that doesn't stop people from enjoying the ride. I am never, ever, ever, going to step out of your life even if you wanted me to. You're stuck with me, my love, whether you like it or not. I love you so so much babe, and please don't cry without me there to wipe your tears okay? I am forever yours, in this life, and the next ones. I hope you're dreaming the sweetest, and goodnight <3

Happy thanksgiving my love, I know that the last few days haven't been the easiest on us, but we made it through, stronger than ever. It was honestly just a small part of our love for each other, because we talked it out and were honest with each other, something not a lot of people our age are able to do. We've been friends again for just short of 4 months, and god the experiences, memories, laughter, even sobbing, has been the best part of my entire life so far, solely because all of it has been by your side. It has actually felt like I'm living in a disney princess movie with the way you've been making my heart so happy, the type of happy in fairytales. These are the years that I'm going to talk to my kids about someday, telling them how high school was the best and how I had this best friend right next to me that made it the most enjoyable years of my life. Thank you so so much for making these years memorable my love. Thank you so so much for waking up everyday and being Vedanshi. Thank you so so much for being there for me in the darkest of moments and the brightest of days. Thank you for standing next to me, by my side, no matter what has happened. Thank you for treating my heart with love and care. Thank you so so much for being the type of person that you are. Thank you so so much for your gorgeous eyes and glistening smile. Thank you so so much for the memories we've made together and for those memories to come. Thank you for making Rayhan mature into the man he is today. Thank you for letting me love you till the end of time and more importantly, thank you for opening your heart to me, something I know isn't easy for you. Thank you for the kisses and hugs and warm cuddles, a type of tranquility I've never felt anywhere else but in the arms of yours. Thank you for making me feel whole and valued, something only you have done in the past 4 years. Thank you for standing as a symbol of love and support, something not many can do for others. Thank you on behalf of all the CNA patients that you take care of, who will never forget the care you gave them. Thank you on behalf of your friends, who wouldn't know how to survive without you. Thank you on behalf of your parents, who are so so proud of the daughter they've raised over the years. Thank you on behalf of your brother, who wouldn't know how to live life without didi by his side. Thank you so so much for being the dory to my nemo, the kie to my jj. I'm so thankful to have you in my life Vedanshi Thakur, and I will always, always cherish every moment we've ever spent together. Obviously, there are a large set of numbers between 0 and infinity. However, in calculus, we've been learning about there are some infinities that are larger than others. I know that although we may not spend our entire lifetimes together, the memories we have made have felt like forever in the limited time we've had. The moments of infinity where I'm driving and holding your hand or we are crossing legs cuddling with each other feel like time has took a break and our infinity has begun. 'I see forever in your eyes' really means forever when it's with you Vedanshi. I know that our infinity may not be forever, but the river of love I have for you will always run down its stream till the end of time. In this life, and the next, my heart will come and find yours to begin our infinity again. I'm forever thankful for the infinity me and you have spent together, and although limited, it will have been the best years of my life, the ones that I think about when I'm on my deathbed. I love you for eternity and beyond Vedanshi Thakur, and happy thanksgiving ❤️

Before you read this, just remember to read slow and deep breaths okay? Hi love I know you're asleep right now but this is something I wrote to make you feel better and hopefully make the stomach pain more bearable. To start off I'm really sorry that it hurts so bad I wish I could be there and wrap my arms around you so so bad so that it would feel better my love. I know that it sucks right now but it's only for one day love and hopefully if you feel somewhat better than we can go on a drive at 7 or something so that I can say goodbye to you and give you a kiss. I want to start off by a little recap of my weekend. RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I feel like the best man alive you don't understand love to be able to even get the opportunity to give you flowers and take a picture with you god it was the best feeling ever love. You looked so beautiful jaanu you don't even understand. The dress matched your skin and your face so well and your necklace and earrings was the cherry on top. After we took those pictures god I couldn't stop thinking about you love. You looked like the prettiest girl in the entire world it made me get so many butterflies. And then the next day it started off really bad with my parents and whatnot but everything seemed okay when we FaceTimed godddd Vedanshi you don't understand. The fact that you would sit on FaceTime with me while I played Fortnite was so awesome no one has ever given me that type of care and like idk it made me feel so valued and the FaceTime after was so fbehgbshfbeh god I felt like I was in a romance movie where I was falling harder and harder in love with you by the minute it made me so happy. I loved the way we'd do the staring contest thing you wouldn't stop smiling and god it made my heart so so so happy love you don't even understand. I couldn't stop smiling while you were on FaceTime it made me feel like I was at home jaanu. I'm so in love with you Vedanshi I feel like I'm with my other half like I belong wherever you are. And if Vedanshi can make Rayhan feel like this then imagine what she could do if she believed in herself. She made Rayhan feel valued and maintain self respect and made him love himself, just imagine what you could do for Vedanshi. I know this pain is kicking her in the ass right now but Rayhan and Vedanshi are so much stronger than the pain and we can do this together okay love? Just try your best to take deep breaths and go step by step. Rayhan is right here with her every step of the way and I won't let Vedanshi feel weak or cry okay love? You make me feel like I'm the luckiest and strongest man alive and god I hope I make you feel that way, but believe in us, Rayhan and Vedanshi, and we'll be able to get through this together okay love? I love you so much Vedanshi Thakur, and I hope you're sleeping the best right now baby.

Hi love I hope you're sleeping well right now (please wake up I miss you). I guess the main reason that I'm writing this was because of our conversation from yesterday. Vedanshi I lived an entire year without you by my side and I spent countless days crying panic attacks every other day checking your reposts playing footsie just to get your attention or opening the APUSH door for you when you went to the bathroom constant fights with Zara about whether I can talk to you or not. God that was the worst thing ever especially when I'd read your note that you gave me every night that I had a hard night and it would get me through anything that happened. Spending so many nights like at PGA or research showcase or presenting at my conferences or the sunsets in Colorado or Destin and even after SATs or final presentation night wishing that you were there by my side because in full honesty, all of it did contribute to my career or peace but it felt like nothing because I didn't have Vedanshi by my side. I spent so much time crying to my mom because you weren't here by my side or constantly planning step by step how to approach Zara and speak to you, why would I ever walk away from that? No matter who or what comes in the way if it ever means not speaking to you, then there isn't even a question between whether I'd choose you or them; I'd choose you every time. Whether that be a new girl, which by the way with the amount of trauma I've had from all these relationships I literally do not ever want a girlfriend for the next couple of years and I mean that wholeheartedly, I will never ever lose you. I will never go back to crying and throwing up every night because I didn't have you by my side god that was the worst feeling. I don't know how to do life without my best friend and that's why the past year was such a horrible mess for me. I didn't know how to be Rayhan without Vedanshi and I think that just shows you how much I really love you. You aren't going anywhere love, even if you wanted to you're stuck with me :)) As per the part about you getting a boyfriend or a prom date or something don't worry about me Vedanshi. Obviously it would hurt but my greatest wish in life is to make you happy and make you feel the love that you deserve. I know that you don't want to hurt me and I understand that trust me I do but, and again, I know that I probably sound insane, but I wouldn't mind being hurt later if it meant that I'd get to spend now with you by my side love. I don't care if in a couple of months I'd be crying in my bed wishing you were here if it means that I'd get to cuddle with you now. IDK maybe that's just how much I love you Vedanshi. I know I sound insane but god it's the truth. If it even meant that I'd get to spend one more second with you princess, I'd take it because any time with you is memorable. After not being in contact with you for so long god I'd do anything if it meant I'd just get another minute with you. I used to cry so hard literally screaming begging god for just another minute with you wallahi that happened too and I don't ever ever want to go back to that. I know I probably sound insane but I don't mind being insane if it means that you feel loved Vedanshi. This was supposed to be a reassurance paragraph but I guess it's also a paragraph of me telling you how much I love you. All in all, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE okay love? I hope you're sleeping well princess, you deserve a thousand naps LMAO. I love you princess and I hope this makes your morning just that much better.